I am not sure why, but I do know that for some yet to be determined reason, there are some men who do not see why they should treat the women around them with respect! Of course there are several ‘perfect gentlemen’ out there but this article is really about the defaulters.
The men would argue on the other hand, that if any woman carries herself appropriately, as expected of her, then it is highly unlikely that she will encounter disrespect. That may be true but shouldn’t we be consistent with our values if we have made up our minds to do things a certain way?
This brings to mind the age-old ‘chicken and egg’ puzzle, which seeks to know ‘which came first, the chicken or the egg?’. Are the men disrespectful because they believe these women for whatever reason, are not deserving of their respect, or are the women rioting against unfair and disrespectful treatment from the men?
There are those who suggest that the reason some men treat the women in their lives poorly is because they have been allowed to get away with it. These women not only accept it, but have also grown to expect it. Like the message of the theme song from ‘Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome’ the 1985 blockbuster starring Mel Gibson, and Tina Turner as Aunty Entity, they are not sure things are ever going to change although they silently hold out hope for the day things will be different. For some others, they have actually lost confidence that things will get any better.. Another story for another day.
“Looking for something we can rely on
There’s got to be something better out there
Love and compassion, their day is coming
All else are castles built in the air
(..) All the children say, “We don’t need another hero
We don’t need to know the way home
All we want is life beyond the thunderdome”
The fact remains that the genders do not have a choice but to co-exist and the more respectfully we are able to do so, the better for society.
When we pay attention to the little things, the bigger things are more likely to evolve as they should.
Decent language
21st century cool sometimes seems to be all about bad or abusive language, but it is never cool to put people down, be rude or belittle them. The Golden rule still applies, and if you know you would not like to be addressed in a certain way, then don’t address someone else in a similar manner. Anyone can be rude or insulting but it takes maturity and discipline, which are more ‘cool’ in my opinion, to refrain from doing so, even in the face of provocation.
Dressing up
Taking the time or making an effort to dress up and look smart is a sign of respect for yourself, and for the people you are meeting with. So is good grooming. As GQ magazine recently put it , “overdressed beats under dressed”. And not just for an initial encounter, it should become an enduring habit.
Thoughtfulness
Holding a door open for someone, or helping them out with their heavy shopping bags etc, are little thoughtful things which put a smile on someone’s face, and generally help make the world a better place! If we think of every woman we meet as ‘someone’s mother’ or ‘someone’s sister’, then it is easier to show them a little kindness. There’s a good reason why superheroes (Superman, Batman et al) are popular. The idea of someone who risks or sacrifices something in order to help another, is one which appeals to the core of most people’s beings and showcases humanity at its compassionate best.
Honesty
Being honest with someone is an act of respect. It shows a regard for their feelings. No-one likes to be deceived and there are few things that can make people feel more helpless/angry/frustrated than realizing that they have been conned/taken for a ride or deceived. When we gently let people know the truth, we are displaying a consideration for their feelings and sparing them a greater disappointment, further down the road.
Humility
There is nothing appealing about an over-inflated ego. On the other hand, the consciousness of greatness is the secret of humility. In other words, you have nothing to prove if you are really ‘all that’ (and more!). Or as we used to say it back in secondary school, ‘you can think yourself big, but please do not think others small, that is where the problems start!’ Humility is attractive, pride is not, end of story.
Reciprocity
Responding to one kindness with another is one of the oldest laws of social interaction! Life is about give and take after all. Granted, some people are more generous than others, but it is important that we generally keep the flow of generosity going, in thought, word and deed. So a simple thing like returning a phone call, should be a basic courtesy.
Patience
Finally, a little patience goes a long way. To err is human and so no matter how thoughtfully and humbly we act, there will still be people and situations that seem almost deliberately set up to sabotage our best efforts! The ability to keep your cool – and sometimes walk away – in the face of provocation is an admirable trait, and one that separates true princes from the crowd. It is a test of character, and as Winston Churchill said ‘character may be manifested in the great moments, but it is made in the small ones.’ Consistency in your daily values pay off for everyone in the long run.
These values may be deemed old fashioned by some, but kindness is a timeless virtue and a fundamental human requirement; one which we should all practise, regardless of gender. We do still need heroes, all said and done.
