I love weddings. Actually, ceremonies of any kind intrigue me; but the fact that weddings are a public declaration of the love between two people (at least they are meant to be) makes them special. They are the culmination of months or years of waiting, planning and dreaming.
A wedding day should be a memorable day for all, and it’s important that the couple especially, have a great time, and create lots of pleasant memories for themselves. Okay I may be stepping on a few toes at this point because we Nigerians are naturally flamboyant, but I do not think it should be about showing off or competing with your friends, trying to outdo each other or to prove anything about your spending power. I think something is lost if you’re doing it simply for show. On the other hand, if your true desire is for a luxury wedding with opulent details down to vintage Krug, Swarovski studded rose petals strewn on the reception chairs, and hand-made chocolates at every place setting because you like it and can afford it, then you and your guests will have a fabulous time being pampered to no end. But just let it be true to you. It’s your day and you should be realising your (and your spouse-to-be’s) dreams not someone else’s. If your budget doesn’t match up, there are still ways to sort of make it happen with a clever and imaginative wedding planner, albeit on a more modest scale. I however do not think people should send themselves to the poorhouse because they want to keep up with the Joneses since as we all know, the wedding in itself is not an end, but the beginning of marital life; so it’s merely a sort of transition or rite of passage – a rather lovely one too! Generally, I find that he who pays the piper also dictates the tune and sometimes a certain style of ceremony is simply foisted on a couple in order to accommodate their parents’ wishes. Obviously, some parents are more amenable than others, and will allow the couple express themselves and their wishes. On the other hand, the couple which is financially responsible for their wedding may have more options at their disposal and in this case, the parents would play more of an advisory role to ensure that important traditional elements are not neglected.
So what turns a perfectly rational bride-to-be into a harassed, emotionally drained and dangerous one, otherwise known as ‘Bridezilla’? A word popularised by an American TV reality series of the same name, ‘Bridezilla’ is loosely based on the mutant dinosaur Godzilla who struck fear into the hearts of all who were unfortunate enough to cross its path! One of the kinder descriptions from an online reference site says: ‘a bride-to-be who is so focused on creating a perfect wedding that she is extremely unreasonable’. An unreasonableness which tends to manifest itself in manic micro-management.
Every bride wants her day to be perfect but the first truth is that something may and will probably go wrong with even the best laid plans. The second truth is that your guests are unlikely to notice the teeny tiny details which you’re obsessing about, like the fact that the table linens and your uniform head ties (or geles) don’t match exactly and so on. Finally, the third truth is that the majority of the people are there to witness your special day, and just generally want to see, be seen and have a jolly good time! So relax!
The Duchess of Cambridge née Kate Middleton had a fairy tale wedding fit for a Princess and months and months of planning ensured that it lived up to its billing of the ‘wedding of the year’. They had everything from horse-drawn carriages to the most amazing wedding cake, angelic choristers and much, much more. But, let me think.. her Chief bridesmaid (and sister) accidentally stepped on her dress despite repeated rehearsals, her mother was caught on camera chewing gum (and subsequently lambasted by the British public) and a few people probably fainted from exhaustion, excitement or a combination of both. Alright, I agree that these are not major incidents and hardly qualify as mishaps, but the point is that we may never find out if anything did go wrong because we only know what we saw and not what may have been planned. My point.
Across the Atlantic, Solange (no surname, Beyoncé’s sister; that Solange) recently got married. Now I must confess that I love the direction Solange’s nuptials took. Arriving on white bicycles with her beau (although not on the same scale as Amsterdam for example, cycling is one of the best ways – next to walking – of getting around New Orléans) and wearing a cream jumpsuit, the wedding could not have got off to a more ‘cool’ start. The ceremony, which held in a quaint Opera house with all her guests also dressed in white, saw her change into a beautiful fashion-forward caped dress, and one of the highlights of the event was her little dance number with her ten year old son. Kudos to Beyoncé for wearing a simple dress which cost less than $400, clearly not wanting to compete with her baby sister on her big day or steal the show. Lovely event. What could have gone wrong? Solange proceeded to temporarily break out in hives; literally covered in angry red bumps for a short while, which got caught on camera by some paparazzi. But did that ruin her day? Hardly, because they all appeared to have had a wonderful one. Her recently remarried father was also conspicuously absent.
I was a December bride myself..as was my elder sister. As a matter of fact we got married on the same exact date but years apart. Not at all planned of course. My fiancé (as my husband was at the time) and I, opted for a garden ceremony in the evening, by a waterfront with a distant harbour view. Flowers everywhere.. We were paid so many beautiful compliments about our theme and choice of venue by our guests, but what they didn’t realise was that the particular reception tables we ordered never made it to the event (now they know!). But you know what? I think I actually liked it better without those tables! The point is that it did not stop the marriage from taking place, nor our guests and us from having a fine time regardless. Once the bride, groom, families and witnesses are present, the wedding takes place, irrespective of whether the linens are to your satisfaction or not. Choose not to stress therefore, and look forward to capturing all kinds of magical moments that will surely occur in the course of the day.
In other words..remember that this is all about you and your spouse in the first place, and make up your mind to enjoy it!
I am feeling a little chatty, so two more things:
Don’t stop giving…
I don’t think I’ve ever seen more shades of Pink in one night! I’m talking about the Genevieve Pink Ball of course. The Ball may be over but the Foundation’s work is far from done and everyone can and should keep giving. The reason some people don’t make more of an effort to support this sort of initiative is because they believe their contribution won’t make a difference. But trust me, it does. If we look around, it often takes just one person to make a difference because they choose to act decisively, like the late Dr Ameyo Adadevoh. So if you haven’t been able to give yet or are not able to do so right away for any reason, you can still plan to. It’s never late. Never.
Buyers Wanted!
Although I managed to attend the last day of the 2014 Lagos Fashion and Design Week, I was forced to leave early; right after the collection by the designer who graciously invited me was shown. I must say though, that I was quite impressed with Ituen Basi’s new diffusion line, simply called Ituen. It is playful but bold, fluid but structured at the same time. I liked the theme, and the song which heralded it, Cyndi Lauper’s ‘Girls just wanna have fun’ was most appropriate. Loved LDA’s (Lanre da Silva’s) capsule collection as well. The stunning fabrics she used are a story for another day.
The Fashion and Design week can (and must) only get better. I do think however, that more can be done to make the whole event more commercially viable for the designers especially, which is the ultimate objective of every fashion week. So buyers, buyers, buyers! European, Nigerian, or the rest of Africa, we have got to make it happen. Africa imports billions of dollars worth of merchandise from the United States alone. Of course designers need to be realistic about their pricing too, as the future may not lie in ‘haute couture’ for everyone. Real funding would go a long way to help resolve production issues, and attract the sort of buyers they need; A virtuous circle. I know we’ll get there; I’m just not sure how long it will take.
